eirian84's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My 'Zach' Story Okay, this is gonna be real quick. I should have gone to bed at least an hour ago (even though I have tonight off, yay!), plus, I don't have my glasses, & I'm too lazy to go get them, & if I stare at the screen for more than 10 minutes, I'm afraid I'm gonna get a headache. I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately. Big surprise, with Kim getting married. Her step-sister Dani is also 8 months pregnant, & I think hers is the first belly I've ever felt. I'm 21, & that's the first time I've felt a baby kick inside someone. That's kinda sad. But beside the point at the moment. So, I was watching Discovery Health, first this new show called "Yummy Mummy", & then "Runway Moms", etc. Now, these shows are about the babies, & the mothers, but all of them showcased families. Stabled, married couples, who created a wonderful picture of family bliss. Now, for whatever reason, I started thinking about one of my (perhaps my only true) original stories. I'm always trying to draw from life for my stories, because (in my opinion) the best kind of story is a plausible, true-to-life story; no matter how much fantasy or science-fiction you add to it, at the core, it should have that universal element of life. When I was younger, I always thought it would be romantic to have a relationship, & keep it secret. Not telling your friends about it, but hide it, & keep it between you & the boy, & keep it special, something just for the two of you. Unadulterated by everyone's opinions & stuff. I have outgrown that idea, & after having an actual boyfriend, I really learned about the saying "It takes two to tango." Any kind of serious relationship is a partnership, 50/50 between you & the other person, be it your best friend, or your significant other. Even before I'd had a serious boyfriend, I'd realized what a juvenile idea a "secret" relationship was (due in part to an embarrassing incident in 7th grade that I'm not going to tell you about -- ever). So I started writing this story, to try & explore just what would happen if someone did try to have a secret relationship. Since I started it when I was 17 or so, it naturally was based on a high school relationship. Names were changed (except mine), but physical descriptions pretty much stayed the same; the guy in the relationship (with me) quite resembled the boy I'd had a crush on since 5th grade (though in my story he was my age, & not a year younger like in real life). So, the basic premise of the story was, this shy girl named Katie has had a crush on this guy, Zach, since they were in school together when they were younger (like I said; true-to-life). After they started high school & there were more people, they sort of drifted into different social circles - though their school is small enough that they have some classes together, & they naturally overlap a few friends & acquaintences. Zach is "cool", sort of aloof & doesn't say much; Katie's just shy, afraid of what people will think of what she says & how she acts - very self-conscious & insecure (did I mention; true-to-life, at least @ that age), but not a wallflower, just... low-key. Tries not to offend anyone. I started the story with, one day it's raining, & Katie goes to the grocery store for her mom. Zach works as a bagger @ the store, & the baggers traditionally carry the bags (or wheel them out in the cart) out to the customer's car & help load them. So, it's raining, & Zach's following her, & Katie feels bad for him, doesn't want him to get a cold or something, so she tells him he can go back inside, she can take care of loading the groceries. Zach just shrugs it off & says he's fine, so Katie's like, "Fine, see if I care that you catch pneumonia out here & die." Then, just as they're finished, & she's getting ready to get in the car, Zach kisses her! Okay, I just caught myself eye-rolling - at my own story! It's just -- so much melodrama! Oh well. Anyway. After that, she can't figure out how she's supposed to act around him, so she decides that avoidance is the better part of valor. Unfortunately, he shows up @ her car after school, and... well. They start a physical relationship with each other. This creates a lot of stress in Katie's life. Her mom thinks she's spending all her time with her friends, her friends think she's spending all her time holed up in her room, & she's constantly having to come up with half-truths or outright lies to keep anyone from suspecting anything. Now, Zach sounds a bit like a villain, but to make it clear, he's never said anything even suggesting that "if you tell anyone about us, it's over." No. In fact, @ one point in the beginning when Katie asks him why he kissed her, he tells her, "I just couldn't help myself any longer." Katie likens it to an addiction, & she tells him she doesn't know when he'll want his next "fix" of kissing her. But on the other hand, she enjoys the attention; always the friend, never the girlfriend, she likes being touched & being kissed, & having someone make her feel special and important. So, quite the co-dependency. I've written up to the point where she tells him she can't keep just "making-out" with him anymore; it's destroying her life, & her relationships with her mom & friends. I have planned out that he gets her to see him again, & they start hanging out together - but alone, never when other people might see them. I've had lots of ideas for sub-plots while they're still "in-secret", but I can't seem to figure out how/why they finally reveal their relationship. Maybe I can't figure out why they reveal it, because I can't figure out why it's secret in the first place. I think part of it is Zach doesn't want his 'cool' status to drop (which, a big part of it is his availability, & the cheerleader crowd wanting to date him), & part of it is, for Katie... I don't think she wants the attention. If she starts dating the 'it' guy of their school, too much attention will be drawn to her, & everyone will be scrutinizing her every move (or so she feels), & she's insecure & self-conscious enough as it is. Now, maybe telling her mom & her friends would be all right, but, if she told her friends, one of them would be bound to tell someone else in school. Probably because they're happy for her, & can't understand why she wouldn't want the other girls to know, & back off with the hitting-on-Zach, but still. And, she feels guilty for not telling her mom right away, & the longer she doesn't tell her, the more afraid Katie will be that her mom might disapprove, or be unhappy that she wasn't told sooner. It's a bit of a catch-22. She doesn't tell her mom 'cause she feels guilty she hasn't told her sooner, but the longer she doesn't tell her, the more guilty she feels, & the less likely she is to tell her. Does that make sense? Thankfully, I learned at the age of 13 that a secret relationship was a dumb idea. But I really wanna write this story, if for nothing else, to show other girls that it's a dumb idea, &... is it just me, or is this sort of an abusive relationship? It's like self-abuse, all the deceiving & guilt and negative feelings & thoughts it must generate. People get depressed & try to commit suicide over things smaller than this. Suicide... hmm, that would make a good plot motivator... Okay. I gotta go to bed now. Have a great day, & don't keep too many secrets, especially from your loved ones! 9:06 a.m. - 2006-08-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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