eirian84's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I Think Dad's Lonely Dad came by to see me today. The man doesn't understand the concept of "sleeping during the day". But that's okay; if I don't want to talk to him (or I have to work that night) I just don't answer the door. He goes away eventually. I love my dad. Don't get me wrong. No matter how annoying or scary or just plain dumb he can be (and he has a little more than his share of all those moments), I love him to death. I think part of me will never stop idolizing him. When I was in that awkward Jr. High/entering-teen-years stage, when I felt & wanted to be treated like an adult (but most definitely was not one yet), he treated me like an equal, & spoke to me like one. I shared so much with him, sometimes we would talk for hours (like, 4 or 5), just talking about different things, going from subject to subject. There were several times when I got fed up with my mom that I seriously thought about going to live with him. I never went through with it, and now I'm glad I didn't, but I knew if I really wanted to, he wouldn't have turned me away. I feel bad for him, now. My sister (half-sister; same dad, different moms) Tammy is almost 6 years older than me. When she was... 12? 14?, Dad got legal custody of her because her mom had married a sleaze who apparently was working his way up to molesting Tammy (like giving her back massages & going a little too far forward to her chest). So, until she was about 18, she lived with him (I think she was 12, because it seems like she lived with him for more than just 4 years). When she was 17, she got pregnant. The father was an ass, so it didn't work out. Then, a few years later she became pregnant again by another guy. They got married (I think while she was pregnant) & moved in together. Then, they started arguing a lot, & were thinking about separating/getting divorced, when she found out she was pregnant again. (Seriously, I don't think she understands the concept of birth control.) So, they stayed together. Eventually, she had a 4th baby. Then a whole bunch of stuff happened with him, something about dealing drugs & doing meth & stuff, & he got sent to jail (there was also something about him assaulting Naomi, the oldest, & the only girl not biologically his, even though she calls him 'Dad'). So: divorce. She's dated a few guys since then, I think, but now she's dating this guy who's trash-talking Dad, & sounds like an all-around loser (according to Dad, anyway; I don't think I've met him). But he talks trash about Dad to Tammy & the kids, & of course they pick up on it. The oldest, Naomi, doesn't like 'grandpa' anymore 'cause she's been listening to this guy, & Devon, the only boy (well, Tammy just had another boy not too long ago, but anyway) is starting to parrot this guy's crap too. But she stays with him. Dad loves Tammy, but he doesn't like some of her life choices. He's not going to try and tell her what to do, though, because he knows she's gonna go ahead & do whatever she wants anyway, & the only way she's gonna learn is from making mistakes. But I told him, "If my boyfriend started talkin' shit about you, I'd be like, 'umm, excuse me?'" No. That's just not on. But, Tammy has a very passive personality. She just internalizes everything, until she just can't hold it all in anymore, & lets it all out. & when she lets it out, everyone's left to wonder 'where did that come from?' because she never voiced any complaints before that. So, Dad doesn't really talk to Tammy anymore, & even though he sees her a lot, I think he misses her. But he says when she gets home from work she just wants to sit on the couch & watch TV. Well, yeah, she should have thought about how much stress having 5 kids in 10 years would put on her. A running joke Dad, Kim & I have is, anytime one of us says "Guess what's going on with Tammy" the other one says, "She's pregnant again." 8 out of 10 times, that's right. Someone (1 of Dad's girlfriends) told me once that he really likes me. I can't remember he exact words -- respects, admires, likes -- but what I remember is her saying, "He never has anything bad to say about you." I gave her an incredulous look and she gave me a very solemn look & nodded & said, "He has nothing but good things to say about you." Today he came by to talk about a construction-type job he's thinking about taking. He's been talking about working construction again for over a decade; I remember him saying a lot that he thought after he stopped getting me every other weekend (when he stopped paying child support when I turned 19), he'd like to work construction again. He really liked working on highway road crews when he was younger. So, now there's a job he wants to take, but he doesn't want to work on Saturday, because it's the Sabbath (do not argue with me on this; I am correct. If there is one thing my father knows, it is the bible. He once stood & preached to Mormons who'd come by his house, & later said that they didn't know the bible that well. Kim & I watched from a friend's house across the street & felt sorry for the Mormons.). So he talked at me for a while (I was listening, but I really didn't have anything to contribute, so I just nodded & made agreeing noises every now & then), & when he was getting ready to leave, he said, "I just wanted to talk to someone about it, because it's been bothering me for a while now, but I think I will take that job." He lives with Tammy, but he came into town to talk to me about it. I felt special, but also sad because he couldn't talk to Tammy about it. I guess I get the impression that Tammy doesn't care. Not about Dad, but about the stuff he's interested (*cough*obsessed*with*cough*) in. He's preached to me about so much biblical stuff... which might be why I enjoy watching biblical documentaries on The History & Discovery channels. I remember one time we went to the local video rental store & rented a whole bunch of B-movies made in the '70's about the apocalypse. It was great; we made fun of everything, but we also talked about all the Revelations stuff. There's a movie Sci-fi channel shows every now & then on late-night TV about the devil being reborn, but I can't remember what it's called. I watch it every time it's on; that's got to be Dad's influence. Anyway. So I just wanted to write about his visit. I guess I've been thinking about father-daughter relationships lately, 'cause Kim just got married (which I'll write about later), & her whole relationship with her 'supposedly biological father'. Her step-sister (or ex-step-sister?) Dani says she doesn't believe Kim is actually related to her family. She's turned out so much better than the rest of them. I've come up with the theory that she's actually my twin, & Liz (her mom) stole her from the hospital & raised her as her own. It's practically true, emotionally & mentally if not physically. Liz probably lied & said Kim was born 3 months after me just so it didn't seem too suspicious. Wouldn't it be weird if that were actually true? Liz was pregnant @ the same time as my mom, but she lost the baby, but refused to let anyone know, because then she wouldn't be getting so much attention (course, knowing Liz, she'd let everyone know right away so they'd give her lots of sympathy; but that ruins the idea), then my mom ends up having twins (no one knew though, because she didn't tolerate ultrasounds very well because of her upset stomach). Liz sneaks in and steals one of the babies, & the doctors, so scared about being sued, either don't tell my mom about the other baby, or say it died. Liz secrets the baby away for a few months, continues to make herself look pregnant, then brings out the baby & says it's hers. That explains why, even though Kim's several months younger than me, she always looks at least as big as me in all our old family pictures... ^_~V She'd still be related to Bill, but not nearly as closely. Of course, it would mean she'd have my dad as a father, & I'm not sure she'd really appreciate that, either... I've had like 3 hours of sleep, sorry. I'm getting kind of goofy. & this is getting really long. Have a pleasent day, respect your elders, & remember to hug your parents! 6:16 p.m. - 2006-08-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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