eirian84's Diaryland Diary

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Stephen Lynch lyrics

I found a really funny artist, his name is Stephen Lynch, & his songs are... well, nothing is taboo with him. I thought I'd include the lyrics to the 2 songs of his I keep getting stuck in my head.

"KILL A KITTEN"
when the game of life makes you feel like quittin'
it helps a lot if you kill a kitten
mark my words, 'cause from where I'm sittin'
you can't go wrong if you kill a kitten

There's no crime that you'll be committin'
I know the law, you can kill a kitten
and if you need yarn for that scarf you're knittin'
you'll get plenty when you kill a kitten

Feed it turpentine
or break its spine
crush it with your shoe
"no animals were harmed in the writing of this song"
as long as you kill a kitten
kill a kitten

if the one you love isn't quite as smitten
she'll like you better when you kill a kitten
and I quote the bible 'cause that's where it's written
"if ye loveth Jesus, ye must kill a kitten"

flush him down the can
hit him with your van
drown him in a lake
bake a kitty cake
throw him at a train
make him snort cocaine
stick some TNT
up his cat booty
do what you must do
as long as you
kill a kitten
kill a kitten
"Row!"
kill a kitten

killing kittens isn't easy
and if the thought makes you feel queasy
grab a pitchfork from the shed
and kill a puppy dog instead

"WHY MOMMY LEFT US"
hush, little girl, sweet baby don't cry
tonight, daddy's here and he'll sing you a soft lullaby
tonight, why can't it all be like it was before
how can I explain why mommy's not here anymore?

'cause daddy likes porno and ten-dollar whores
daddy gets wasted and robs liquor stores
daddy likes rubbing against little boys on the bus
and I think that's why your mommy left us
mommy left us

hush, little girl, there is no reason to fret, tonight
don't mind the smoke, daddy just wants to forget (takes a "hit")tonight(exhales)
soon it will all be like it was before
any minute, she will walk through that front door

but daddy plays poker and drinks lots of beer
then he wants sex that involves mommy's rear
daddy has sores on his naughty parts oozing with puss
I think that's why your mommy left us

please don't cry
I swear I'll try
to be here by your side

right after daddy gets home from the bar
visits his bookie, and steals a new car
he'll drive to the strip club
and if daddy plays his cards right
he'll bring home your new mommy tonight!
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Wonderful, aren't they? It's very obvious why I can't find them at Walmart... & these are 'tame' compared to some of his others! Heeheeh...

10:48 a.m. - 2006-02-03

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